she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Green mimosas i think yes
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
