pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
