Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
it's like iHOP with fire
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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