dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Randomize
