Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
