Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
