I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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