I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
