At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Randomize