dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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