You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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