There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize