i think i have two assholes
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
