I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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