Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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