What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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