just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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