Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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