I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
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