if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
