Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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