you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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