ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
this beer tastes like vomit already
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Randomize
