I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
