Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
We got so high we made milksteak
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
