i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
