I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
They are going to name an STD after you.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
