Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize