I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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