**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
