so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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