I got chris browned last night
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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