bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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