Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize