$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize