from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
