im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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