Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
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