You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
