I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
