Can Purell be used as lube?
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
