I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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