You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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