One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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