I wanna bring you to show and tell
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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