Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
