Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
