yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize