saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
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