Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
