What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
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