I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
