I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
