i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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