Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
