She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
