Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize