If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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