How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
