I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
