I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
