So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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