Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
