I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Randomize
