If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
