the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
