I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
