I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize