WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
