there's paper in my vomit.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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