quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Randomize
