I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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