ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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