she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
