the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize
