you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
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