My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
