Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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