Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
