literally had 100 drinks last night.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
