he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I think weed is turning my hair brown
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Randomize
