I wish I could punch you in the face.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
