She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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