Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
