I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
