And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Randomize
