I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Randomize
