She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
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