i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize
