I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
no. you can't hotbox the world.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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