Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
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